


Out like a light.

by Jind0r1



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, F/F, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jind0r1/pseuds/Jind0r1
Summary: When the player has her heart torn by the person who she thought was her forever.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	Out like a light.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers! It's been a while since I've last written something about Yvesoul so I hope you'll enjoy this angsty Yvesoul fic as much as I did writing it! Thank you so so much for all the love and support every one of you have given to me, I appreciated it a lot! Please let me know how you feel after the end of this story by commenting and leave a kudos too! Enjoy!
> 
> Special shoutout to my dearest friend who has kindly offered to edit my work! You're the best!!
> 
> *This fic is inspired by the song, [Out like a light](https://open.spotify.com/track/7yR5ZDif2glYMnFP73uRMm?si=X1vJD5PtT1uUxj0-xGqLwg)  
> by The Honeysticks, Rick Montgomery, so I suggest that you listen to it on repeat while reading this story!

**-**

The soft click of her front door is heard in the empty two-storey house. Kicking off her shoes, Sooyoung shrugs off her trench coat and hangs it up on the coat rack by the shoe cabinet. Sooyoung has her head in her hand as she trudged into the living room, plopping down onto her sofa with a soft grunt.

It’s yet another night of Sooyoung coming back from a one-night stand whose name she can barely remember, from the usual bar that she goes to. Sooyoung never bothered to remember their names nor leave any sort of communication behind for a repeat. All this seeking pleasure, there was a reason behind it. Her empty heart longed for someone. Someone who left months ago. 

_Take me uptight_

_Strung up like a kite_

Sooyoung can remember very clearly that fateful day where she waited for Jinsol at the nearby newly built café. Seated at the back of the store, which gave them the privacy they needed. Right next to the window for Sooyoung to look out if in any case she dared not to stare into Jinsol’s eyes.

Sooyoung’s leg bounced up and down as she waited nervously for her lover. Who wouldn’t be nervous when your significant other sends you a text so serious and scary? 

“ _We need to talk.”_

Sooyoung shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat. Her heart is racing, and she can’t seem to stop it from beating so fast. Sooyoung could feel her stomach bubbling, anxiously, that made her want to gag but she suppressed it as much as she could.

The waitress comes to her with hers and Jinsol’s drink. Sooyoung thanks the waitress and quickly reaches out for her drink on the table; a double espresso. Downing the warm beverage, she peeks outside the window and sees Jinsol walking down the street. Her hand raises up with a smile and wants to wave for Jinsol when she sees an unfamiliar figure standing next to Jinsol.

The two have big smiles on their faces and… Her heart stopped.

Their hands? Their hands were linked together.

The smile from Sooyoung’s face dropped and so did her hand. Sooyoung turns away from the window and looks at the ring box she had brought with her to the date. Sooyoung’s hands, that are placed on the table, slowly clench together, forming a fist.

_ Dumb, wicked, and white _

_Love me in spite_

Millions of thoughts flash through Sooyoung’s mind. Sooyoung’s inner voice speaks to her incessantly raving like a madman. Echoing out the same question on repeat.

_Are we even together?_

The ringing of the bell that hangs above the cafe door is heard. Sooyoung’s head hangs low, afraid that making eye contact with Jinsol would break her shell. Her arms prickle with goosebumps, her whole body trembling and shaking. Jinsol takes her seat from across and thanks Sooyoung for ordering her drink. A latte macchiato, her favourite.

“Sooyoung,” Jinsol calls out as she places her hands on the table, her right hand on top of her left. An absentminded detail that never mattered to Sooyoung but it was the only thing she could focus on. Jinsoul never held her palms closed like that in front of her. Sooyoung nods her head wordlessly, still not looking up at the girl.

“Sooyoung,” Jinsol calls again. 

“...”

“Sooyoung, look at me.” 

Sooyoung looks up, her lips tremble upon making eye contact with the unphased Jinsol. Jinsol lets out a soft sigh and gives her a small smile before her eyes travel to the small, noticeable, velvety heart shaped box on the table. Sooyoung quickly pulls it and shoves it in her pocket.

“What is that?”

“Nothing.”

“Sooyoung…”

“What is it that you wanted to talk about?” Sooyoung intercepts quickly.

Jinsol’s eyes crease for a second before it’s back to a smooth and calm reflection. Sooyoung wonders how the girl can be so placid about the whole situation, while here she is wanting to dig a hole to hide in and never come out. Sooyoung moves her trembling hands onto her lap, she doesn’t want Jinsol to see how nervous she is.

“Let’s break up.”

**-**

_ If I betrayed our lonely nights _

_Spent out like a light_

Three years ago, everything was normal. Sooyoung and Jinsol were so loving. They were inseparable, so much so that they saved up and moved into a humble two-storey house just half an hour outside the city. It was perfect for them, the price, the location, and the ambience with each other. Their perfect house had a small backyard where they practiced their gardening skills.

Sooyoung placed down the last box from the moving truck and dusted away the dust on her hands before rushing over to Jinsol like a stereotypical high-school girl madly in love. Sooyoung leaned down to give Jinsol a small peck on the cheeks before turning the girl around for another on the lips. 

“You’re so cheeky,” Jinsol smiled, so wide that her eyes crinkled.

“But you love it,” Sooyoung says smugly as she wrapped her arms around Jinsol’s waist to close the gap between the two.

“We’re finally staying together,” Sooyoung sighed out contently as she swayed with Jinsol in the middle of the kitchen. Jinsol nods her head and wraps her arms around her neck, letting the girl rest her chin on her shoulder.

“Ever regretted dating the school’s player?” Sooyoung questioned her jokingly when she pulled back from the hug. Jinsol’s finger taps on her chin; thinking. Sooyoung in a state of panic pulled Jinsol’s hands, holding them tight in hers.

“Don’t answer!”

“Sooyoungie,” Jinsol calls out. Sooyoung looks up and feels Jinsol pulling her hands out of her hold.

“If I ever regretted it, would I really be moving in with you?” Jinsol questioned as she cups Sooyoung’s face in hers lovingly. Her heart skips a beat, face quickly turning red.

“I-I you scared me!” Sooyoung stuttered out as she tried to hide her red face from Jinsol.

“Ooouuu my baby is blushing so hard,” Jinsol teases using her baby voice. 

Sooyoung glared at her.

“You’re in trouble for teasing me!” Sooyoung grumbled as she lifted Jinsol up in a bridal carry. A gasp escaped Jinsol’s mouth soon followed by a laugh. Jinsol’s legs kick in the air as Sooyoung brings her up to the master bedroom.

“You'll be punished!” Sooyoung laughs wickedly as she kicks the door open before throwing Jinsol onto their bed. Jinsol fakes a scared scream. Sooyoung stalked towards Jinsol while rubbing her hands together with a wicked grin. Jinsol raised an eyebrow at the girl.

“Rawr!!” pounced Sooyoung.

-

Two years ago, they were still going strong. There were occasional fights as par for the course of being a couple. Despite that, arguments would be resolved maturely or mayhaps through a tickle-fight. Everything looked perfect for Sooyoung. She has never felt her heart so encompassed with love before.

Past Sooyoung used to jump from one relationship to another, barely caring about the hearts she broke through the insincere apologies after sloppy break up texts over the phone. Jinsol is the only one that made Sooyoung feel so grounded and loved. 

This has unintended consequences, because Sooyoung now feared losing Jinsol more than ever.

It happened one night, Jinsol was leaving her behind. She screamed for her when she saw the fading back of Jinsol walking out on her. She could feel her heart tearing into pieces.

Sooyoung trashed around in her sleep before she’s awakened by a concerned Jinsol. She swamped Jinsol tightly in her arms, who ran her hands up and down Sooyoung’s back while she hummed out a soft lullaby to soothe Sooyoung.

“Jinsol?”

“Yes?”

“Promise you won’t leave me, ever. Even if my past comes haunting us two, promise that you’ll stick with me and not leave me.” Jinsol’s eyes widen when she hears how shaky and broken Sooyoung’s voice is. Jinsol could not believe her ears but gave her a soft kiss on her temples.

“I promise,” Jinsol whispers out as she kisses the tears away from Sooyoung’s face. Her lips curled up into a pout and she rested her head on Jinsol’s shoulder, tears streaming down her face.

“I don’t care if you used to be a player who broke many hearts… because you’re not that Sooyoung now. You’re a different Sooyoung who is learning how to love, how to care and how to feel loved with me right beside you,” Jinsol says softly as she runs her fingers through Sooyoung’s long brown locks. Her heart finally stops beating as fast and calms down upon hearing Jinsol’s words.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Jinsol laughs out softly and moves the loose strands of hair off Sooyoung’s face. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**-**

_ With no kiss goodnight _

_We never fight, when I'm away_

A year ago, things started to go sour. It was not so obvious until the broken plates and loud yelling. Sooyoung ran her fingers through her hair as she paced to and fro in the kitchen while Jinsol sat in the living room crying her heart out.

“What is wrong with you?!” Jinsol screamed at Sooyoung. She would storm out of the kitchen with her finger accusingly pointing at herself, righteous anger on her face.

“What’s wrong with me?!” Sooyoung exasperated, “What’s wrong with you?! I saw you being intimate with your dearest co-worker outside the office building when I picked you up!”

“I told you there’s nothing going on between me and Jung Eun! We’re just colleagues!”

“Colleagues?!” Sooyoung lets out a scoff and rubs her face, “You’re telling me that colleagues kiss each other goodbye on the cheek?!”

“I-I…” Jinsol’s mouth opened wanting to retort but no words came out of her mouth. Instead, Jinsol slams both her hands on the sofa and stands up in front of Sooyoung.

“It’s what every friend does,” Jinsol challenges through gritted teeth. Sooyoung lets out a loud laugh, nodding.

“If that’s so, I should go around kissing all my female friends goodbye huh,” Sooyoung retaliated by the door. Jinsol balls up her hand by her side and puffs up her cheeks before she rushes upstairs.

“Where are you going?!” 

She sees Jinsol standing by their master bedroom door. Jinsol glanced at the girl, deigning her with no reply before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door shut. Sooyoung lets out the deepest sigh and kicks the coffee table’s leg in frustration.

The next day, Sooyoung wakes up to an empty bed and a letter from Jinsol. Blandly informing her that she’ll be staying at her parent’s place for the next few days. Sooyoung clenches her jaw and places the letter back on the study table before she leaves her house for work.

A few days later, Jinsol returned to their apartment.

Sooyoung did not apologise. 

The next few days passed by, the pair were trying to compromise. It was working somewhat. The couple were not fighting at all and they still managed to communicate with each other as lovingly as they could without stepping on each other’s toes. It almost seemed like a fight did not even occur. Jinsol was willingly coming back into Sooyoung’s arm with open forgiveness. The two continued to go on like this for the next few months.

After an argument, one would walk out.

Then come back a few days later and continue on with their lives unashamedly.

The days apart started growing, the fights neverending when one returned.

Unbeknownst to them, this was the start of their drifting love.

**-**

_Did your mother always seem to hate me?_

The two had gone over to Jinsol’s parents for dinner, Jinsol’s mother not unsubtly wearing a scowl on her face. Sooyoung didn’t mind it at all because she did not think much of it. Jinsol’s father would greet her with a smile so clearly her future parents-in-law approved of her.

Jinsol was in the kitchen helping her mother wash the dishes and Sooyoung wanted to help when she heard the pair talking to each other.

“I don’t like that girl,” Jinsol’s mother says.

“She has a name and her name is Sooyoung.”

“I know but I can't get that name rolling off my tongue,” Jinsol’s mother says as though saying Sooyoung’s name would burn the tip of her tongue. Sooyoung hid behind the wall as she continued to eavesdrop into their conversation, trying to not let Jinsol’s mother affect her too much.

“I heard she’s a player, she toyed with the neighbour’s daughter’s heart before. I saw how bad the poor girl cried and how she starved herself because of that wrench. I don’t want the same thing happening to you. Who knows you could be just another toy of hers!”

“Mom!” Jinsol retorts angrily, “Sooyoung’s not like that, I know her. Sooyoung’s not using me nor is she toying with my feelings. If I knew she was, I would have left a long time ago. I trust her mom, she’s true about her feelings to me. I feel it.”

-

_I'm sicker every day and now I'm terrified of talking to my friends only to stay stuck_

Sooyoung bites on her nail nervously as she stares at her phone in front of her. Should she give Haseul a call to ask the girl for advice? Things have been falling out for Jinsol and Sooyoung the past few months. She was afraid there was no way to salvage their relationship anymore. Resorted to many people that she has considered as dear friends but none were giving her meaningful advice.

Anytime she asked, some would give her a pitying look while others blamed her because she “brought it upon herself”. With how no one is helping her, Sooyoung has no idea who to trust. Oftentimes she would go back to her empty home, slouched shoulders and downtrodden head saying it all.

Sooyoung’s only comfort became alcohol. Her eyes so lifeless and the sadness in her slowly overwhelming her in pain. 

Pain of losing the woman that she loves.

Pain of being so helpless to stop her from leaving.

-

_Dreaming of our first born and your hair covered in popcorn_

Sooyoung stood at the back while she watched Jinsol skip down the streets with her niece holding her hands. The bright smiles they wear imprinted in her mind.

“Sooyoungie! Can we get popcorn?” Jinsol asked when they came across a popcorn seller. 

Sooyoung nodded her head and paid for the popcorn so the two lovely ladies could enjoy it. The three of them settled down at a bench in the park as they shared the popcorn amongst themselves.

She turns to the two of them and laughs when she sees popcorn stuck on Jinsol’s hair. Jinsol didn’t mind and even joked about how if they had their own babies, a similar issue might happen because Jinsol eats very sloppily.

“Well then I’ll be the one cleaning up the mess then,” Sooyoung grins as she picks one of it out and pops it in her mouth. Jinsol’s face scrunches up in disgust before she takes one popcorn to throw it at her face. It hits Sooyoung’s nose and it earns a loud laugh from her niece.

“How dare you laugh at me!” Sooyoung squints her eyes. Her niece shrieks when she picks and lifts her up in the air. It’s replaced with a laugh when Sooyoung places her on her shoulders. Jinsol stands beside Sooyoung with a smile on her face and gives Sooyoung a kiss on the cheek.

“You’ll be a good mother."

**-**

_You never leave, you never leave, you never leave_

Those three words keep chanting in Sooyoung’s mind in the café. 

Seeing Jinsol and Jung Eun holding their hands together across the street... Sooyoung’s angry inside, angry at how nonchalant Jinsol could be. 

Angry at how she could break the news to her so easily. 

Did she not feel the same?

“Let’s break up.” The colour drains from Sooyoung’s face when she hears those three words. Her world stops moving, and she feels herself getting lost in the dimming tunnel.

“Why,” Sooyoung asks as a statement, looking up at Jinsol. She is doing her best to keep her emotions inside of her. Crying right now would not do any of them any good and Sooyoung’s aware of that. Afterall, she’s the one who has been doing that so she guesses it’s karma biting her in the heels.

“I’ve fallen out of love with you, I’m sorry.” 

Sooyoung’s heart stops beating when she hears that. The tears that she has been trying her very best to hold back finally escape. Sooyoung’s hair forms a curtain between her and Jinsol, giving her the illusion of privacy. It helps her cry as much as she wants.

“I wish you all the best, thanks for the past 4 years.”

“Did our relationship... mean nothing to you?” Sooyoung whispers. 

Jinsol stops in her tracks. Jinsol sits back down on her seat and lets out a soft sigh. Jinsol wants to reach out to hold Sooyoung’s hand until she looks up, showing her how her makeup is running, black streaks of ruined mascara dripping down her chin.

“It meant a lot to me. It helped me and you grow as better people. I couldn’t ask for anything more from you and with all the things that’s been happening, I don’t think it’s good for us to stay together.” Jinsol explains as she tries to not let Sooyoung’s broken look affect her emotions too much. Jinsol knows very well that she’s the only person that Sooyoung has truly loved and with her breaking such a news to the girl is stabbing her heart.

“I don’t want us to keep elongating the breakup that’s bound to happen, I’ll be the bad guy now for breaking your heart but you’ll soon thank me for doing that. I wish you all the best Sooyoung,” Jinsol says as she gives Sooyoung a pat on the shoulder before leaving the café.

Sooyoung finally loses it. Her head falls onto the palms of her head as she cries her heart out. Choking on her tears, she tries her very best to breathe properly but the tightening of her chest makes it so damn hard.

Sooyoung looks up and sees the promise ring that she gave Jinsol a few months ago on the table right next to Jinsol’s drink. Her shaky hand reaches forward and picks it up to clench it. Bringing it close to her heart, Sooyoung cries silently to herself. 

The love of her life had just walked out on her.

**-**

_You leave me uptight_

_Strung up like a kite_

The only sound heard in the empty apartment is the sound of rain pitter-pattering against the window. Sooyoung turns her head to the window slowly, she wonders if Jinsol has an umbrella with her on this rainy day. Jinsol has never carried an umbrella with her whenever she’s gone out. She would always have to rush to the girl with an umbrella so Jinsol can get home dry. A deep sigh escapes her mouth as she turns away from the window, she drops her head into her hands as she tries to not think about the girl.

Just as Sooyoung is about to stand up to wash herself, her phone starts to ring. She lets out a groan as she reaches for her phone. Sooyoung immediately shuts her eyes by the blinding screen. She does not let her phone ring again when she sees who is calling her at such a time, her thumb swipes across the screen to decline. Sooyoung drops her phone onto the couch next to her as she rests her head against the headrest of her couch.

Sher knows she is not exactly the best person to fall in love with. She was never someone who could convey her feelings well through affectionate words. She has always been in and out of relationships prior to hers and Jinsols’, she never sought to actively return the love from her previous partners. 

Jinsol though.

Jinsol was the only one that Sooyoung could reciprocate the love shared between themselves.

Sooyoung had never glanced at any other girls then for all she could see was Jinsol.

Jinsol is the only one that Sooyoung truly loves and longs for.

**-**

_ Dumb, wicked, and white _

_ Love me in spite _

The expanse of the living room floor is covered in empty beer cans and used tissues. If Jinsol was still around, she would have nagged at Sooyoung for creating such a mess. In her mind she could perfectly picture Jinsol arms akimbo as she bossed Sooyoung around to clean up. Her face scrunches up as she feels another wave of tears welling up. She has never wanted to hear Jinsol nag at her so much until now.

The moment Jinsol walked out of her life, Sooyoung felt so lost. 

Her guiding sun is gone, so suddenly she did not know how to cope. 

Everything was so drastically different. Sooyoung would wake up to an empty bed every day. A constant reminder that Jinsol is no longer here with her. She feels so tired and drained, even drawing the curtains becomes a herculean effort. There is no point anyways.

Jinsol is the only person who taught Sooyoung how to love herself and the people around her. She taught her that she should be forgiving towards herself, that the mistakes she makes can be forgiven; as long as she learns and reflects on them. Jinsol taught her that it is okay to not be okay, that it is normal to want to come home and cry cradled in your lover's arms until you tear ducts run dry. Jinsol taught Sooyoung the true meaning of ‘I love you’ and ‘It’ll be okay’. Her words comfort her when she worries because she knows Jinsol is with her through everything.

Sooyoung opens her eyes as she stares at the living room ceiling, a small smile forms on her face when she sees the glow in the dark star stickers. Jinsol adored them. She remembers how she’ll lift Jinsol up so the girl could reach the ceiling and the numerous times they laid on the carpet floor staring at those stickers pretending they are real constellations in the night sky. Setting the mood as they poured out their feelings for each other.

_“I love you Sooyoungie,” Jinsol confessed her love suddenly when they were lying on the carpet in the living room. Sooyoung sat up and turned her head to the girl with wide eyes. Jinsol sat up and held Sooyoung’s hands tightly in hers, she leaned forward to give Sooyoung a small peck on the lips._

_“I’ll love to spend the rest of my life with you,” Jinsol added with another kiss on the lips. Sooyoung started tearing up upon hearing Jinsol’s words, she never knew the three words, ‘I love you’, could hold such a powerful weight to them._

_“I love you too,” Sooyoung admitted as she leaned forward to steal another kiss from Jinsol. Jinsol let out a chuckle and pulled the crying girl into her arms, her arms wrapped tightly around the girl’s body._

_“I love you so much.”_

_If I betrayed our lonely nights_

_Spent out like a light_

**-**

“I should go get some fresh air,” Sooyoung mumbles out as she rubs her face. Standing up from the couch slowly, Sooyoung kicks away the empty beer cans as she trudges towards the coat rack to grab her trench coat. Sooyoung just came back home not long ago but with the sudden reminiscing, it makes it hard for her to breathe comfortably in _their_ home.

Wearing her trench coat sloppily, Sooyoung slots her feet into a random pair of shoes before leaving the dark and empty two-story house. Walking around her neighbourhood aimlessly, Sooyoung passes by numerous shops that she once visited with Jinsol. Including the pet shop where they adopted a pet fish together which Jinsol took with her when she left. Ultimately, Sooyoung’s feet plant themselves in front of a familiar strawberry café which serves strawberry infused goodies.

_“Sooyoungie! Look, a strawberry café!” Jinsol beamed as she stopped Sooyoung from walking another step forward. Sooyoung turned back and saw Jinsol’s eyes sparkle under the night light when the girl sees a café that she likes._

_“Do you want to head inside?” Sooyoung asked as she interlocked her fingers with Jinsol’s ones. Jinsol nodded her head and Sooyoung pinched the tip of Jinsol’s nose as the two walked into the café._

_“Welcome to Berry Berry Good Café!”_

_Jinsol and Sooyoung smiled at the café owner before the two settled down at one of the seats in the café. Sooyoung rest her chin on her hand as she watched Jinsol flip through the menu with a focused look on her face. Sooyoung’s heart melts when she sees Jinsol’s eyebrows forming a ‘_ _八_ _’ shape as she tried to pick a drink that she wants to have since all of them looked so good and delicious._

_“What do you want Sooyoungie?” Jinsol asked, not looking up from the menu._

_“You.” That made Jinsol blush and earned Sooyoung a playful slap on the shoulder. Sooyoung laughs out at Jinsol who quickly held her menu up to cover her red face._

_“Ehh, let me see your face~” Sooyoung coos as she brought the menu down from above using her fingers. Jinsol pouts and squints her eyes at Sooyoung before going back to look at the menu._

_“Be serious, what do you want?” Jinsol asked and Sooyoung shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll have anything that you want.”_

_“Excuse me!” Jinsol raised her hand up to call for the café owner. The café owner rushed over to the pair and took down Jinsol’s order. Before the café owner turned to leave to make their drinks, she gave Jinsol an envious look as she said, “You two make a good couple! So loving too! I’ll give you two a strawberry shortcake on the house!”_

_Jinsol’s jaw dropped upon hearing that. Before she could refuse that offer, the café owner had already skipped away to prepare their order. Jinsol sat back down onto her seat and covered her face using her hands._

_“Why are you so shy? She’s not wrong,” Sooyoung laughed as she pulled Jinsol’s hands away from her face. Jinsol pouts before it changes to a grin. Jinsol leaned forward and gave Sooyoung a peck on the lips before looking away in askance as if she didn’t just give Sooyoung a kiss on the lips publicly._

_ With no kiss goodnight _

_Would we never fight when I'm away?_

**-**

Sooyoung turns her head away from the café and forces herself to walk away. She continues walking directionless until her feet bring her to the park that she frequents when she wants her time alone after every heated argument with Jinsol. Stepping into the park, Sooyoung’s muscles finally relax as she finds herself back in her sanctuary.

Making her way up a small hill, Sooyoung finds the spot that she’ll always sit at. Patting the cold and moist grass patch, she shrugs her coat off to lay it down so she could lie on it without getting her head wet. She rested her head on her arm as she stared at the stars in the sky. They are twinkling so bright, Sooyoung wonders if Jinsol’s looking at them right now too. A soft sigh escapes her mouth, Jinsol must be looking at them with Jung Eun right by her side while she’s here all alone.

Sooyoung’s hurting a lot inside out. The restless sleep and the infrequent showers... Even her walk is so zombie-like. Sooyoung takes in a shaky breath and exhales slowly, she does it for a bit to calm her fast-beating heart. She feels so overwhelmed, she has to control herself.

Many possibilities flash through her mind. Was it her fault? Sooyoung’s always been true about her feelings. Sooyoung can’t bring herself to lie to Jinsol even if she needs to. Why would Sooyoung lie about her feelings? When she really loves the girl with all her heart.

Would things change if Sooyoung behaved differently?

Would things be for the better if Sooyoung was not ever the player she used to be?

Would things become better for Sooyoung and Jinsol if that goddamn Jung Eun was not there to interfere?

So many “would’s” and “if’s”, yet those questions all had a simple answer. 

“No.”

But still, it was unstoppable to think. What if she had played her cards differently. 

“Should I have let her go when she wanted to initially, would things turn out differently?” Sooyoung asks out in a whisper. Her eyes roam around, moving from one star to another. A soft sigh escapes her mouth as she drapes her other arm over her eyes. Warm tears escape from the corner of her eyes as Sooyoung cries silently to herself.

-

_“Sooyoungie, I think we should take a break.” Jinsol suggested suddenly during one of their dinner dates outside. Sooyoung halts eating and places her fork back down onto her napkin._

_“Why?” Sooyoung asks with a concerned look on her face. Is Jinsol getting tired of her? Is Jinsol not as in love as she used to? Sooyoung reached over to hold Jinsol’s hand in hers, giving her a soft squeeze._

_“I don’t think things are going to work out, at this rate with how much we are fighting and how we are resolving stuff by running away isn’t going to do our relationship any good…” Jinsol explains as she remembers the many instances where they would fight and walk out on each other before the other can finish their words. It seems as though they are sick and tired of each other._

_“Sol, we can work things out together. I promise you that. It’s probably just we’re angry that’s why we couldn’t be bothered to sit and listen but I promise I won’t do that again,” Sooyoung quickly says, hoping it would clear the idea of breaking up in Jinsol’s mind. Jinsol shakes her head and wants to pull her hand away when Sooyoung tightens her hold on Jinsol’s hand, so tight but not tight enough to scare Jinsol away._

_“We can work things out together. I’ll change and I’ll do whatever it takes to make things better, I don’t think taking a break would make it better because we won’t be talking to each other at all. I’ll communicate better and do my part better, please…I don’t want to take a break with you,” Sooyoung says desperately. Jinsol looks up and sees how desperate the girl looks. Sooyoung really doesn’t want Jinsol to leave her side, even the slightest idea of Jinsol leaving her side scares Sooyoung so much._

_“Okay…” Jinsol trails off and pulls her hand away from Sooyoung. Sooyoung clenches her hand up into a fist and nods her head, she places her hand back on her lap and the two continues to eat in silence. After dinner, the two went home and didn’t speak about such an issue after that._

Sooyoung lets out a sigh as she sits up slowly. She runs her finger through her hair as she slouches forward. Her eyes catch the sight of a beautiful tiny flower that has grown right beside her leg. A small smile appears on her face as she reaches over to play with it in between her fingers gently.

“I should let her go huh,” Sooyoung whispers as she picks on the flower petals carefully so she wouldn’t damage the flower. Sher brings her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them. Sooyoung looks back at the stars as she remembers what Jinsol has written in the letter that she left behind with the promise ring.

_Hey Sooyoungie,_

_I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry I’m leaving you. I figured that it would be better for me and you to break up so we can be happier and better than we are now. I don’t regret loving you and don’t regret spending the last 4 years of our relationship with you. I’m happy to see you grow so much over the years and happy to know that we’ve had such good times. I hope this break can give the two of us the very much needed space and time to reflect on ourselves. I wish nothing but the best for you._

_Forget about me, don’t long for me and don’t cry for me. You’re going to make yourself hurt and grief even more. I don’t want to be the person who is hindering you from finding someone better and to be happy. Don’t speak my name, don’t call out for me. Don’t think about the memories we made. Forget about me. That’s how you’ll get over me. Once you’re ready, I’ll be there for you, not as your girlfriend but a good friend._

_You’re strong, Ha Sooyoung. Stay that way._

_Jinsol._

“Yeah… I’ll forget about you…” Sooyoung sighs out as she stands up slowly. Picking up her trench coat, she walks down the hill. Every step she takes to leave the park, a memory of Jinsol she tries to erase. Until the very last step at the edge of the park, Sooyoung pulls out the promise ring she gave to Jinsol and throws it into the rubbish bin. No point reselling it. This is her letting everything go.

“That’s the last one,” Sooyoung sighs and shoves her hand into her pocket. Giving the park a last look, Sooyoung turns to leave the park, never going back again.

“I’ll forget about you.” 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

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